We start our journey with what you would like its outcome to be and how you want to show up differently for yourself and others. In short, what living from a place of Self-leadership would ideally look like for you. Then we identify and explore together any unconscious thought processes, limiting core beliefs, or self-defeating patterns that have been holding you back or may even be making you ill.

In the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model, protective patterns are called Protectors, in Positive Intelligence they are Saboteurs, others call them Gremlins – no matter what we call them, we all have them and we tend to have a strong urge to fight them or “get rid” of them. But trying to fight or “tackle” these self-defeating patterns does not work. On the contrary, it tends to make them stronger. Shaming and fighting parts of our own psyche is the opposite of self-compassion and comes from another Protector, often a so-called “inner critic.” The critical parts of us aim to help us, but instead they tend to only intensify inner conflict, feelings of shame and hopelessness and sensations of overwhelm and internal chaos. It’s exhausting.

According to the IFS model, Protectors behave very much like separate subpersonalities that have alliances and conflicts with each other. Each Protector has its own strategy, with the intent to help us be fully seen and heard, get respect, a sense of connection, belonging, safety, love, fulfillment, and confidence.  Parts that criticize us internally often use language that we’d never use with others. Although their positive intention is to make sure we conform to external expectations so that we will finally feel good enough, the internal voice that says that we’re useless, look terrible, are not smart enough, in practice only cause other parts of us to feel shameful, sad, scared and insecure.

Protectors such as the inner critic that try to run our lives in a proactive way are called “Managers” in IFS. Other examples of Manager strategies include over-achieving, hypervigilance, staying rational and logical at all times, people pleasing, rescuing others, control of self and others, avoiding all conflict, and perfectionism. We all have Manager parts with protective (yet self-defeating) strategies in some form or other. And each of our Managers has its own specific reasons for its strategy.

The various Manager strategies can cause imposter syndrome, procrastination, restlessness, chronic stress, and feelings of hopelessness and constant self-doubt. These engrained feelings often result in physical symptoms such as Irritable Bowel Syndrome, migraines and chronic back pain, or worse. And to stop the painful feelings and emotions we naturally turn to things that make us feel better short-term but are unhelpful in the long term, such as alcohol, junk food, TV binge watching, social media, drugs, shopping, painkillers, etc.

IFS therapy is an evidence-based model that was created by Richard Schwartz PhD in the 1980s and further developed and refined over the last 40 years to effectively heal attachment wounds and trauma, including PTSD. It however has turned out to also be very effective for people without major trauma and is a robust and very subtle model of internal exploration and transformation that can be practiced alone, or with the support of an IFS practitioner or IFS coach.

Relating to our inner world through the IFS lens results in the softening and transforming of our self-defeating patterns. IFS coaching allows us to first understand, appreciate, and form an attuned relationship with our own inner system of sub-personalities (inner family) and then transform and integrate – from a place of authentic, compassionate Self – any underlying exiled or outcast parts of ourselves. This in turn allows the adaptive patterns or sub-personalities to return to their original helpful and supportive roles as our capacities and strengths.

The path to transformation and unfolding takes commitment and when I have the honor of walking this path with clients big shifts can take place, often in a relatively short time. Clients find that they are finally free to be the person they truly want to be and were meant to be – thriving instead of surviving – and leading their life from a place of calm, courageous and confident Self-leadership.